• My Unhealthy Relationship WIth Food
    Blog,  Mental Health,  RaR

    My Unhealthy Relationship With Food

    Trigger warning: This blog post talks about my experience with the eating disorder Anorexia, and my unhealthy relationship with food. I was planning on writing this as a twitter thread, but the more I thought about it the bigger the thread got. In the end it was just too long to put on twitter. So as my return to blogging I thought it was a great way to ease myself back into things – or throw myself back into them! My goal for 2020 was to lose weight. We had 5 weddings planned, and I was just sick of feeling massive compared to all of our friends and family. At…

  • The many emotions of lockdown
    Blog,  Chronic Illness,  Lockdown,  Mental Health,  RaR

    Lockdown Emotions: It’s okay not to be okay right now

    The time we are in right now is strange. I feel like I’m in an alternate universe, where everything is reversed. Each day I sink further away from reality and my emotions just don’t know what to make of it. Let me tell you about today. Today when I logged onto my work PC I noticed I wasn’t connected to our network drive. Other people were having the same issue but were able to resolve it easily. My issue was not so simple. I tried disconnecting and reconnecting. I tried restarting my computer, twice. I tried disconnecting and restarting my computer before reconnecting. Nothing worked. If we were in the…

  • How uncertainty effects anxiety
    Blog,  Lockdown,  Mental Health,  RaR

    Anxiety in Uncertainty

    I thought that with everything that is happening in the world right now, I would have so much to talk about. I thought I’d be coming up with all kinds of new content and creative things for you guys to read and enjoy. I’d hoped that I could use this platform to not only help you through this time, but to be a breath of fresh air to put your minds on other things. There is so much that I could’ve done with this time. In all honesty I feel like I’ve failed you a little bit. I’ve been so tired, exhausted, just from daily life that I’ve not been…

  • I'm not grumpy it's my mental illness
    Blog,  Mental Health,  RaR

    I’m not grumpy. I’m mentally ill.

    I’ve been reminiscing through past memories a lot recently. Thinking about past relationships and friendships. About my life in general. Something that stood out to me is the memory of being miserable. That sounds quite sad, but so many moments come to mind where I was forced into a situation I didn’t want to be in, and I was just really unhappy. But what struck me most was the way other people must have thought of me in those moments. They didn’t know what was going on in my head, all they saw was this grumpy, upset, moody person. The person who didn’t want to be there. So that’s what…

  • a day in the life of anxiety
    Blog,  Mental Health,  Psychology,  RaR

    A day in the life of anxiety

    Before I get into this I feel I should give a slight trigger warning. If you’re anything like me, reading about anxiety triggers can actually trigger your own anxiety. While I don’t discuss anything particularly bad in this post I do advise to proceed with caution if that does apply to you! Right, let’s get to it then… You open your eyelids to a haze of what now’s and what ifs. Your stomach sinking further and further into the mattress, clawing and clinging, yearning to just go back to sleep. Have you ever experienced something that intense and immovable? It’s what every day can be like when you have anxiety.…

  • THings not to say to someone with mental health conditions
    Blog,  Mental Health,  RaR

    Things not to say to someone suffering with a mental health condition.

    I know this topic has been covered time and time again, but I still think it’s an important one to cover, and to keep talking about. There are so many comments, or misunderstandings, that can have a severely negative impact on people who struggle with their mental health – and it keeps happening. It can be exhausting trying to explain to people why these phrases are so unhelpful, but it’s so important. A lot of the time people do think they are really helping, or they think they know better. But there are so many better ways to support people who are struggling, and it’s not hard to do them.…

  • things people with depression find difficult
    Blog,  Mental Health,  RaR

    Things depression makes difficult.

    There are so many misconceptions about what depression is really like, and what struggles people like me face each day. Depression is actually a really difficult condition to understand when you haven’t experienced it yourself (not that I would ever want you to). We find things difficult that most people wouldn’t even think twice about. It can be very frustrating as we are often seen as lazy or like we aren’t tying hard enough simply because we find even the smallest of things very overwhelming. In an effort to help more people understand what we’re really dealing with, and raise more awareness of the true struggles of depression I have…

  • When Mental health causes loneliness
    Blog,  Mental Health,  RaR

    Loneliness is a b****

    Today I really wanted to talk about something that I don’t think people talk about enough when it comes to mental health (or chronic illness): loneliness. This is a huge symptom of mental health problems, and something that’s really affected me a lot lately. And it’s not just that we don’t always talk about it, but people who haven’t experienced it often don’t understand how truly lonely it can be. Not time to read now? Pin it for later: Loneliness in the mental health community is a big problem. Let me paint you a picture, a picture of my life: I live with my boyfriend, who is very lovely and…

  • Mental Health,  RaR

    The week my mum disappeared

    My mum likes to run away from her problems. She always has. Growing up she liked to run away from financial problems, or relationship breakdowns. But she never really did anything extreme because we were kids. Apart from when her marriage to my dad broke down and she took three under 3 year olds from London to Wales. But when me and my older brother finally flew the nest and went to Uni she upped and moved in with our Grandmother after the break up from her engagement. Or at least that’s my understanding of it. My younger brother who was 17 at the time was also moved, it disrupted…

  • Dear Anxiety: An Open letter to my mental health
    Blog,  Mental Health,  RaR

    A Letter to my Anxiety

    Dear Anxiety, We’ve been together for at least thirteen years now. Wow that flew by quickly.  It’s hard to believe that you’ve known me since I was a teenager, watched me grow, and have been with me through my whole adult life.  It’s taken me a while to be able to write this letter to you, because I’ve been with you so long I don’t know how to be without you. But I think now may be the time for me to move on.  You’ve given me some memories. I know you’ve only been trying to keep me safe but most of the time your idea of safe wasn’t realistic.…