My One True Love: FRIENDS

Today is Valentines Day, which my other half and I don’t really celebrate. So I thought I would share the other love in my life, on this the day of love.

That love is FRIENDS.

What is FRIENDS?

For those who don’t know (have you been living under a rock?) FRIENDS is an American sitcom set in Manhattan, about a group of 6 friends of varying backgrounds and their lives as they go from 20-somethings to 30-somethings.

It stopped filming in 2004, so its now been nearly 15 years since the last episode aired. But to me, it has aged well and is still the best thing on TV.

It’s not perfect

Now, I know there are a lot of problems with the show. I mean, if it was aired now it would be very different, and a lot of the jokes would not be allowed today (for good reason).

I am not trying to say the show is perfect, it was just made at a different time, a different era of life. And the problematic parts are not the parts I love about it, I do cringe every time I hear one of Chandler’s homophobic jokes, or the fat shaming Monica comments, but it’s the general theme and episode arcs that make it a classic.

The reasons I still love FRIENDS

It reminds me of a simpler time.

When I was in school, FRIENDS was still aired on E4, so I would watch it every day when I got home from school. If I was off sick I would watch E4 all day just to watch the SAME TWO EPISODES of the show that were aired in the morning and the afternoon. I was absolutely gutted when they announced they would no longer be showing it, and it moved to a channel I didn’t have access to.

I don’t blame them for moving it, I was probably the only person in the world who was watching it religiously. I was hooked, and I loved that I could just zone out and not think too much about it.

It wasn’t long after that I got the full box set, so my whole day was just filled with FRIENDS. I slept to it. It was on while I revised for my A-Levels. (I attribute my good grades to FRIENDS). I ate while watching it. And at this point I could finally watch all the seasons in order and understand what was going on!

I wasn’t exactly a happy person back then. I was a teenager struggling with mental health issues I didn’t recognise or understand. But this show was my escape, and it reminds me of a time when things were simpler than they are now. Even though my mental health was bad, I had few worries. I just went to school, and then college, I hung out with my friends, I did my homework and I revised for my exams. Things were easier then, and it’s all hallmarked by FRIENDS – which saw me through the whole thing.

When I watch it now it feels like home, it feels safe. And it is my go to show to put on when I am feeling sad or lost, because of the safety it provides me.

It makes me hopeful for my own life and my own success.

I’m now 26, and I don’t really feel like my career is going anywhere. I am constantly going through a quarter life crisis, and it can often get me down.

While there are MANY things in FRIENDS that aren’t realistic (seriously, how did Monica and Rachel afford their apartment?), the one thing I really love is that for the most part the friends don’t actually have it all together.

We aren’t all Ross (ugh), and don’t all have a career in our mid twenties, earning a stable income. The friends were roughly 26 when the show begins, and we see Rachel only just starting her career, Joey as a struggling actor following his dream, Monica gets fired and is unemployed for a time before taking an awful job that is remotely related to what she wants to do, Phoebe is earning a pittance as a masseuse, and Chandler (even though he does have a stable job) is left wanting more from his life.

FRIENDS feels to me like an accurate depiction of what it’s really like growing up, being in your twenties and having no clue where your life it headed. It isn’t until a few years in that they start getting their lives together, and it gets rocked time and time again. And it makes me feel better about my life, because most of them are at a difficult stage in their life when they are my age, and much like me they have no idea what they’re going to do.

On top of that, Chandlers career progression shows us that it’s never too late to follow your dreams. He starts a whole new career in his 30’s even though he is very senior at his previous role. He becomes a 30-something intern, and becomes successful in something he actually loves.

It just gives me a hope for my future that I still have time to become successful, and I don’t need to have it all together right now.

I relate to each of the friends in a different way.

Well, except Ross.

I’m sorry guys, I just really don’t like Ross!

Each of the friends is different, and I love (and dislike) different parts of all of them. I personally relate to them on varying levels, and have a soft spot in my heart for them all.

Rachel has just started her life over, and goes from a spoilt rich girl, to a struggling waitress, to a high payed fashion executive. I strongly relate to her wanting to make something of herself and be independent, and wanting more than her minimum wage job that isn’t very fulfilling.

I hope to one day become as successful as she becomes!

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Phoebe is just something else. She believes in aromatherapy and reading tea leaves, and ghosts, and spirits. She plays guitar and sings, even though she isn’t very good, and sticks to her beliefs no matter what other people think of her.

I love how quirky she is, and I feel like I am a lot like her. I don’t have the same beliefs but I am a very strange person, and I think people like me because of that! I wish I could be as carefree as her – I mean her running style alone shows that she doesn’t give a damn what other people think.

If only I could be confident in myself to run like her!

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Monica can be very bossy and controlling, and it’s often shown as a bad or an annoying trait in the show. But I think it shows that she is passionate.

She knows what she likes, and she cares about things. Although I am not passionate about the same things, even though I would like to have a more organised and tidy home, the things I am passionate about I do put a lot of my time into, and I think that’s a wonderful way to live!

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While Joey is a bit of a womaniser, and it can be pretty gross (although he is no Barney Stinson I will add), he spends the entirety of the show following his dream.

He loses his health insurance, has to take a few low paid jobs, and begins only acting in low budget plays, but he doesn’t give up. He almost did once, but that only lasted for one episode so I don’t count it.

He ends up being very successful (I don’t count what happens in his spin-off Joey, as that was a bit of a flop) and all his hard work pays off. I am season one and two Joey at the moment, and I am hoping to eventually become season ten Joey after pursuing my dream and working hard at it every day.

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Chandler is probably the person I relate to the most.

His sense of humour is intended to cover up the fact that he is insecure and anxious on the inside, and it has developed as a defence mechanism following his pretty insane childhood. I don’t really use humour to cover up my pain, but I do put on an image of a really positive and happy person to cover up my insecurities.

I am always trying to help out other people, and support them to cover up that I need help and support. And like Chandler, I do have some bad memories I am trying to forget – although probably not a bad as his.

And how I relate to them changes over time

Right now I relate to the friends in their younger state, when they were close to my own age. But this varies and changes as I grow.

I used to not relate to them at all. When I was younger they looked as if they were living the dream. I wanted to move to New York and be like them. I didn’t really understand the struggles they were going through, and a lot of the jokes went over my head.

And in the future I may shift and relate more to the older versions of the characters, when they are struggling with marriage and fertility, being parents, all that kind of stuff that doesn’t affect me now.

It truly is timeless for me, and I don’t see me ever changing on that.

So why love FRIENDS?

I do know that FRIENDS is TV show Marmite. Those who have seen it either love it or hate it. And those who haven’t just aren’t really interested in it.

Where do you fall on the scale? Love it or hate it? Like it or loathe it?

I won’t be offended if you hate FRIENDS, I’d still love to hear your own views!