Old Before My Time

I’m 27, and while to me that does feel old I do know that I have my whole life ahead of me and I am still young. I’m still in my twenties. I may not be 18 or 21 anymore, but your twenties are about being young and figuring out what you want to do. It’s about having fun.

Unfortunately being 27 doesn’t really stop the symptoms of CFS/ME. I definitely don’t feel 27 most of the time.

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Life when you feel old before your time.

I don’t feel 27

I don’t feel 27 when I have to go to bed before 8 o’clock at night. I don’t feel 27 when I can only walk for ten to fifteen minutes before needing a break. I don’t feel 27 when I can’t sleep because my hip and knee joints hurt. I don’t feel 27 on a Sunday when I’ve eaten my cooked breakfast and then need to take a nap before I can take on the day.

I always say that I’m a 27 year old in an 80 year old’s body, but that may not be fair. I think there are plenty of 80 year olds who are more active than I am. Plus, when they are tired or slower than other people they have lived a whole life time to actually justify it. I’ve lived 27 years and I need to take things very slowly most of the time.

It’s not all bad

Now, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I mean, it’s a part of my life, it’s a part of me. Being tired is part of my personality now. And yes, there are things about it that really suck (like when you’re trying to lose weight but you struggle to do the amount of exercise needed to actually lose it), but I’ve learned to like so much of it.

My bed is my safe place, my favourite place in the world. It always has been. I love spending time just chilling in my bed, taking the weight off my body, and relaxing.

I love going to bed early because it means I get a couple of hours to myself to unwind, relax, and slowly fall asleep before my other half comes to bed and invades my space (that’s not a euphemism by the way). When I need to take a nap, I love the opportunity to spend an extra hour or so in my bed. It’s so comfy.

I love having quiet nights in. Getting a takeaway and just sinking into the sofa watching a film – absolutely no pressure. While it is nice to occasionally get dressed up and go out for dinner or something, it’s just so much nicer (and easier) to stay in. It’s less stressful, I don’t have to worry about what to wear or how to do my hair. I can just be there.

Life is what you make it

I don’t like that I’m not well enough to be working full time, or that I don’t have enough energy to go out partying all the time like other twenty-somethings. But I guess you can’t have everything you want in life, you just have to learn to love the things you do have. And I have a lot.

And having CFS/ME doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun!