Love Lamguages - ways to say I love you
Blog,  Lifestyle,  Lockdown,  Self-Care

Love Languages: Ways to Say ‘I Love You’ Without Words

If you’re not familiar with the 5 love languages, I really advise you to look them up. Learning the ways I feel most loved has really opened my eyes, and helped me understand myself in a way I never had before.

In short, love languages are the ways we can give and receive love from others. Not just romantic partners, but everyone. Each of us will have a couple of love languages that are most important to us – the ways we feel love the most.

For me, my primary love language is words of affirmation. I feel most loved when someone tells me they love me. As someone who is often anxious and worried about things it makes a lot of sense. If I haven’t heard ‘I love you’ for a while I will start to doubt it.

This is the same in other areas of my life. In work, I feel like I’m doing really badly unless I’m told that I’m doing well. I basically need to be encouraged and reassured a lot otherwise I doubt myself and my ability.

But, there are so many other ways to let someone know you love them and that you care. With us all now quarantined, many of us with our loved ones, I thought I’d explore some of these other avenues. Ways we can love and appreciate each other without needing words.

There are 4 other love languages; acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch. So lets look at some of these instead.

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Love Languages - ways to say I love You

The four other love languages

Acts of Service

This love language is all about doing things for the other person. If your primary love language is acts of service you feel most loved when someone completes a task or does something special for you. This can be as simple as cooking a meal or doing the dishes or the washing.

If you know what is important to them, try and take the load off. Do they like a tidy house? Maybe try and do some cleaning/tidying without being asked. Do they value time to themselves? Why not take on the childcare for a few hours so they can take time out. Do they enjoy really good food? You can always cook them their favourite meal.

The options for this are endless really.

Acts of service isn’t really that high up on my list but there is one thing my other half does that makes me feel really loved (and is actually a really small gesture). I really love the rice part of a meal, no matter what it is paired with (chilli, curry etc). I always save my rice until the end to eat on it’s own, and because of this he always puts my food side by side instead of mixing it all up like he does for himself.

It’s such a simple thing but it makes me smile every single time he does it. And he doesn’t judge me for being really weird (honestly, who prefers plain rice to the curry that comes with it?) Simple, but effective!

Receiving gifts

I know we are a bit limited with what we can and can’t shop for right now, but there are many options for people who have receiving gifts as their primary love language.

If they have a favourite sweet or chocolate, maybe put that on your weekly shopping list. If they like books, there are still ways to get books delivered.

There’s also loads of online resources for making gifts – you could learn a new skill and make something special for someone you love. If you have children you can work with them to make memorabilia for this time you have together. (And if you do I would love to see it!)

Even if receiving gifts isn’t their primary love language, giving even just a simple and thoughtful gift is a great way to express your love for someone. When my other half knows I’ve had a bad day, and comes home with my favourite chocolate to cheer me up I feel immensely loved – and receiving gifts is lowest on my list of love languages.

When we first went into lockdown I sent both my grandmother’s and my best friend a little gift to let them know I was thinking of them. They loved it, and it was a great way to express my love from far away.

Quality time

Some people truly value quality time, and a great way to show your love is to set aside time for them. Do something really special with them.

You could plan an activity to do as a family. Do something with them you know they love doing. You can even plan a special date night with them at home (you can recreate things you would normally do on a date night in the comfort of your own home).

There are so many ways to spend quality time together with the ones you love. If they’re not quarantined with you there’s still ways you can spend time together using apps like Zoom and Houseparty. Or even just Facetime and WhatsApp (as I know some of these apps have their issues).

I know someone who had a surprise Zoom hen party last weekend, and they absolutely loved it. There are no limits.

Physical touch

Possibly the only one you can’t do from afar, but it’s still a great way of showing love for those who are around you.

Simple things like holding their hand, giving them a hug, or stroking their back are so easy to do. They take little effort and can really make people happy.

I love having my hair played with, and it makes me feel great when my other half runs his fingers through my hair while we watch a film or TV together. Find out what they enjoy and try to make an effort to do it.

Before you try anything new though, make sure to check it’s something they actually like. I went through the first 6 months of my relationship not realising that Will doesn’t really like being touched, and I’d been tickling his back and hair for the whole time because it’s what I like. Not everyone is going to enjoy it, but for those who do, embrace it!

Mental Health Blog Philippa Claire

There are so many ways to show people you love them, many more than telling them. Why not try something different? Or even just take stock of the ways people are giving you love without you even knowing it.

If you’re interested in what your primary love language is, why not take the quiz!

How do you feel most loved? Feel free to share your experiences below!

Stay safe everyone. Until next time.

19 Comments

  • Tsvetty

    I’ve always been fascinated with the Love Languages. I feel like since reading up on them, I’m been noticing why I have a disconnect with some people in my life and connect better to others. It’s also interesting how your life shapes those languages. I’m big on acts of service and I think it might because I’ve always been a really hardworking person that takes on too much so when people help me with stuff it means the world. Super interesting stuff, great read!

  • Jen

    My top one is words of affirmation, followed by acts of service. My husband’s top one is physical touch which is my lowest LOL. We’re always having to make compromises to make the other feel appreciated.

    • Philippa Claire

      It’s all about balance isn’t it? But once you know which are your primary love languages it makes things so much easier – you can understand each other enough to make the compromises you need to. I’m glad you too have found them useful πŸ™‚

  • Al

    I’m the same as you, I think. I need the words of affirmation as my primary source. I found this was such an interesting read, and one I’ve not seen before. Thank you for this.
    Al x

    • Philippa Claire

      You’re welcome! I was trying to move a bit away from writing about lockdown (although technically this is still about lockdown). I hope you’ve found the love languages useful!

  • Helen's Journey

    Great article to explain ghe 5 love languages clearly. After being with someone who would say the words but definitely not havs the actions to match, in my next relationship I think the acts of service will be a priority this time. We love, live and learn. Thanks for the share, Helen πŸ˜‰

    • Philippa Claire

      I’m glad you know what your priorities are for your next relationship, as I know how soul destroying it can be to be with someone who is just not right. Sending you all of the love!

  • Ellen Best

    I popped from a post share on twitter, what a nice post. Touch can be easier to do than to say, especially if there are too many people around or your partner is busy. At the moment you can only do that with those you are isolated with.because of covid-19.We had code when the children were young, what 14 yr old wants his pals to hear Mum gushing or professing love ‘None’. So when they were starting school I taught them if you want to say I love you it is three tiny words that mean the biggest thing. So instead we say 1-,2 ,3. And now they are grown with children of their own and they are teaching them the same. We sign one two three in cards on invitations and bunches of flowers. Except for Ivy who is 5yrs old who grins and says 456. X

    • Philippa Claire

      Thank you so much. I LOVE that idea, it sounds like something out of a movie! I’m so glad your family has something so meaningful that you can pass on to all the children. Lovely.
      I hope all of you are keeping safe and well during the pandemic!

  • Irene Smith

    I enjoyed reading your post. It made me more aware of the different ways that people show their love and how differently we all experience loving feelings from others. I found your blog because of the Twitter thread for blog comments and I’m glad I did.

    It took me a while to realize that my husband feels most loved when people do things for him without needing to be asked. He doesn’t care about gifts, but he loves to give them to his family.

    He often says that people “give Christmas gifts that they want for themselves,” and it is true. I think the most important ways of giving love, as you said, so maybe the best way to show others love is to watch what they do for you and apply it.

    • Philippa Claire

      That’s a really good point. Because my primary love language is words of affirmation, I am constantly trying to express my love and appreciation for other, as that is how I feel loved and appreciated myself.
      I’m glad you found the post helpful, it’s great to be connected with you!

  • Rayo

    I love words of affirmation with matching energy and receiving gifts. This is my primary love language. Thank you for sharing ❀️

  • Cassie

    I loved that book! I was surprised to learn that physical touch is one of my primary love languages. I haven’t read it since having kids. It would be interesting to read for them.

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