5 Ways to Support Someone With a Chronic Illness

Living with a chronic illness doesn’t only affect you, but it has a massive impact on those around you who you love and care about. It is really tough to support someone with a chronic illness, and I do think it’s important to acknowledge that.

As someone who has lived with people supporting someone with a chronic illness for years (see what I did there?) , I know the struggle. You want to be there for them, but you also want your own life. And balancing the two can seem impossible at times.

You know how tough their life is, and how hard they find things that you find simple, but you also can’t be on hand 24/7 to help them. You’ve got to work, eat, sleep, and look after yourself too.

And before I get into my tips for supporting someone with a chronic illness, I do just want to say a massive thank you to you for even trying. For showing up every day to help the person you love. I know they appreciate you, and love you for it, so please just take a moment to feel good about yourself!

Even if you feel like you’re messing up, just showing up is amazing. And is very much appreicated. So thank you.

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How to support someone with a chronic illness

Your feelings are valid

The first thing I want to point out is that just because you’re living with someone who is struggling, doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to struggle.

People often apologise to me for complaining about being tired, or for being in pain. My illness doesn’t mean that you can’t be frustrated about being tired or being in pain. Your feelings are still valid no matter what I’m going through.

Yes I live my life exhausted every day, but does that make it any easier for you to be tired? I’m used to it, my whole life is being tired. For a ‘normal’ person, this IS frustrating.

If you bottle up how you’re really feeling for the sake of someone else it’s only going to make you feel worse, and nobody wants that.

So continue to be honest about how you feel, because we still want to be involved in your life even when you are struggling.

Be patient

People with chronic illnesses struggle with aspects of daily life that other people (like you) find really easy. It’s frustrating, and we are trying our best.

It’s so important to just give us the time and space we need to get things done, because forcing us to go at your pace will most likely worsen our symptoms. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is to us.

Just be patient with us. Let us take our time. Even if that is as small as walking at our pace instead of yours.

Listen

It can be so hard to talk to people about your illness. I find it takes over so much of my life that I just don’t want to to talk about it. Even blogging about it is hard sometimes.

So if your loved one has taken the time and the precious energy to talk to you about their illness please listen to them. Take in what they are saying, and try to understand.

If they are talking about something that makes their symptoms worse, try to make a note of it for future reference. If they’re telling you about something that makes their symptoms better then definitely make a note of it!

Just try to be receptive to their needs and be there with an open ear when they need it. You have no idea how good it feels to be heard.

Allow us to keep our independence

Chronic illness can rob you of things you didn’t know even mattered to you. Be it dressing yourself, feeding yourself, or even being able to get out of bed. You can imagine then that the things we can do are very sacred.

It’s important for us to be able to continue doing the things that we can to be independent. While we truly appreciate all the helpful things you do for us, we also need to be able to do things for ourselves.

And if you’re not sure what these things are, then just ask. It shows you care, and are willing to adapt to help make our lives better.

Make quality time for us

While you may be spending a lot of time looking after a loved one, it’s important to make sure you schedule in some quality time. Time when you can be partners, or friends, or family, and not a carer and the cared for.

It can also help to combat the loneliness people with chronic illness often feel. I find I watch my other half living his life from the outside, because I can’t do the things he can do. It can be really lonely sitting at home on a Saturday night while he is out having fun with his friends.

So I really value the evenings we can spend watching a film together. It’s not much, but helps me get a bit of normality and feel closer to him.

Don’t forget the value of quality time!

Try not to give unsolicited advice

I know, I know. You mean well, and want us to get better. Your heart is in the right place for sure.

I’m afraid that unsolicited health advice for someone who has lived with a chronic illness for nearly ten years is just unhelpful. It’s also unbelievably frustrating.

We’ve done our research, we’ve had many conversations with our physicians, and we have tried everything under the sun. If there was some miracle cure for our illness out there, trust me we would be on it like a leech. Your suggestions make us feel like we are not trying hard enough, having missed something that could potentially cure us. Unless it has proper clinical evidence I am sorry I’m just not interested.

Please just trust that we are doing all the things we can to get better, and if we do want extra help we will ask for it I promise you.

So while you think you may be doing us a favour, it’s often not received that way.

I hope you have found these tips helpful! If you have any other tips for supporting someone with a chronic illness, feel free to share them below. I’d love to hear them!