Acceptance is more than saying ‘Yes’
I’ve already talked about acceptance in my post about living with chronic illness, but it’s something that has really got to me lately so I thought it warranted its own post.
One of the major parts of living with a chronic illness is acceptance. Whatever illness it is you’re diagnosed with, your life changes and you’ve just got to go along with it.
You don’t get a choice in the matter, that’s just how it is. Bam. There you go. This is what your life is now.
There’s a lot that changes, and a lot to accept.
Side note: I started writing this before the lockdown so don’t worry, I’ve not been flaunting the rules! The examples from this post are from the very beginning of this year.
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Acceptance when it comes to chronic illness.
A few months ago I was very excited to be able to go out with some of my work friends to the rugby, as part of our company’s social calendar.
I don’t get to go out very often, because I just don’t have the energy for a lot outside of work. So when I do get to do something social I really look forward to it. I prepare myself for it the best I can, plan rest where I can, and get excited about the prospect of having fun instead of sitting on the sofa in my pyjamas waiting for my boyfriend to get home.
The evening itself was great, even though it was raining. And I think everyone had a good time, myself included. It wasn’t too late, I was home by about 11pm (late for me but early in the grand scheme of nights out), and I came home feeling happy and whole.
The aftermath of good times.
But good times come at a price.
The two days following this were then spent basically stuck to the sofa.
I was so unbelievably tired, exhausted, fatigued. My body hurt, my eyes burned, and my anxiety fuelled brain wouldn’t stop telling me that I made a complete fool of myself. I was barely able to move and I felt completely miserable.
All I wanted was a nice night out with my friends. To do something other than be stuck on the sofa watching tv and not knowing what to do with myself. But with a body controlled by CFS/ME that Just isn’t possible.
To add insult to injury, my other half also went out on the same night, and got home at the same time. The next day he was still able to umpire and then play a full hockey match.
So why do we need acceptance?
Acceptance is hard.
The life you have to live when you suffer from a chronic illness is so difficult. You feel like you’re missing out on the normal aspects of life, and there’s so much that you just can’t do.
It makes it feel so much worse when you have to watch those around you living the life you so desperately want.
But, living a life where you’re always wanting and wishing is awful.
People are always telling me how much they admire my positivity and outlook on life when they talk to me about my illness. I kind of just shrug it off, because this is my life and there’s nothing I can do about it.
And it’s true. I can’t do anything about it. And focusing on how horrible it is to live a life battling with my own body is not going to make it any easier.
I try very hard to drive my mind away from the negative realities of living with a chronic illness. Make the best of it, as it were. However there are always moments. Weekends like this one where I’m just left screaming ‘why me?’, with no answer coming from the void.
I like to be positive about things, and I love being a support to people like me. Tell them it’s not all bad, that with enough rest life can be good.
Truthfully though, that isn’t realistic. It’s not all good. It’s bloody hard. But it is doable. You just have to adjust your expectations of what your life is going to be like.
13 Comments
Miriam Berry
Thanks again Philippa. I find your blog very helpful. I am so proud of you granddaughter. Love Granny 💕
Philippa Claire
Aw Granny you are very kind. Thank you so much for your comment. It means so much to me!
Lifeasanopenbook
What a thought provoking post! It is hard to simply ‘accept’ things. Life is always going to through obstacles and it won’t always be easy but as you said, adjusting your expectations and attitude to make the best out of it is all you can do. A really lovely and honest post. Thank you for sharing x
Philippa Claire
Thank you, I’m glad you liked it. And you’re right, the issue of acceptance applies to so many areas of our lives, whether we have a chronic illness or not.
Amber
This is such an important post and I love the way you write! It’s so important that everyone knows about this kind of thing. Thank you for sharing!
Philippa Claire
Thank you so much, I do cover some pretty brutal topics so I try and do it in an easy way. I’m glad you liked the post and I hope you’re doing well!
Grace
I so understand how you feel. I am the same. I have MS/Sjogrens/RA mix. It makes it so difficult to be normal. All we can do is accept what we have, rest and self-care, and do what we can to bring a bit of joy into our lives.
Philippa Claire
I’m sorry to hear you’re also battling with a chronic illness, it’s really hard and as you said all we can do is accept it and find joy in the things we can 🙂
Anne Davis
This is really close to my experience battling with fibromyalgia. Thanks for sharing!
Ariel
I don’t struggle with any mental illness, but I have plenty of friends that do. I’ve had some that are very good at managing it and others who aren’t. I think it’s all a process for them. I have such high respect for anyone who struggles with any mental illness because it’s not something that can just be “fixed” like so many other illnesses. Anyway, thanks for this post!
Philippa Claire
It is hard work, but it helps to have friends like you who are understanding and supportive!
Jaya Avendel
I love that you talk about the differences between saying yes and acceptance. I think acceptance is more of an eternal thing; to me it is like a thought with myself while saying yes usually involves someone else.
Thanks so much for sharing your reflections and your journey toward happiness. 🙂
Philippa Claire
That’s such a good point. When we accept things internally we are doing more than just saying ‘yes’ to ourselves, it’s something consistent and takes a lot more.