Less than 24 hours ago I was raving over all my social media platforms about how great I’ve been feeling lately as a result of the CBT I’ve been doing, as well as other things. So it would only be fitting that I would be due a break down – one of those bad days.
It is true that the last few weeks have felt like a turning point, and that’s great. But it’s also true that there’s no cure for depression, and good mental health takes daily work which can get quite overwhelming.
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Bad Days are not a set back
I spent my day feeling very low and deflated. The one thing that normally brings me joy (writing) was starting to make me feel worse.
My other half was out for most of the day playing hockey and watching the rugby with his friends, so there were no distractions around to lift my mood. I also had no idea why I was feeling that way.
I was overcome by sadness, emptiness, and anxiety for apparently no reason. There’s usually some kind of trigger, but this time it was a mystery. Fantastic.
Then came the inevitable questions. Why me? Why is this happening to me? What am I doing with my life? Why am I here? What is even the point? Questions going around and around in my head, making me dizzy and lightheaded, but with no answers.
It’s almost 2am in the morning as I write this. After lying awake in bed for about 4 hours not being able to stop the questioning, I finally gave up and got up to try and take my mind off of it.
To distract myself and hope that when I wake up later in the morning (if I ever manage to get to sleep) I will be rid of the sinking feeling in my heart and my stomach. The one that I had become so accustomed to in the past.
It’s important to be realistic
You see, while I do want to promote good mental health, and help people to manage their mood and their symptoms and live happier lives, I also want to paint a realistic picture of what life with depression is really like.
Even when you are recovering, you have bad days. It’s hard work, really hard work, and you are going to have set backs. Today, well yesterday, for me has been a set back. I find it quite overwhelming sometimes thinking about how many different things I have to do a day to keep my mental health in check – things that other people don’t even need to think about. How is that fair?
Set backs are a part of life
Set backs are normal, and bad days are a part of life, depression or not. It is okay to cut yourself some slack when you’re feeling rough – that’s what I’m trying to do, which is why I got out of bed and put on a film to make myself feel better. Life is never going to be perfect, but you can always get up and try again tomorrow. There’s always another day.
Hopefully I haven’t bummed you out too much with this post, but it is important for me to real with you. I will try to be a bit more positive in the future.
If you are feeling a bit low after reading this then here is something a friend of mine told me this week that really resonated with me:
‘People who feel the most sad also have the potential to feel the most happy. Our sadness gives value to the happy times.’ I choose to believe this is true!
Here’s to a better tomorrow. Thanks for reading.
If you liked this, then you may also be interested in the ways I personally manage my depression.